FEELING HAT, HAT, HAT
By Tony Deyal
On Wednesday morning, January 20th, 2021, I watched the last hurrah and goodbye to Donald Trump who, in hat terms, was not just a bad hat with a bee constantly in his bonnet, but a mad hatter always talking through his hat. His successor, Joe Biden, is someone I take my hat off to. He threw his hat in the Presidential ring for a third time. He and his team put on their thinking caps and went to the electorate, caps in hand, and made sure that Donald Trump is now old hat. He has become last year’s model and, I sincerely hope for America’s sake, that he will be thrown and lost forever, either in jail like the insurrectionists he egged on, or in the dustbin of world- and hat-history. If he ever becomes President again, I will eat my hat, a Christmas gift from my daughter. Last year she gave me one that would have been perfect for participating in the annual “World Tightest Hat” contest. However, after many trials and much thought, I realised I could not pull it off. This year, the hat I got for Christmas was like the Mel Blanc song about the one the little Mexican boy received. It was “too beeg.” Fortunately, I shivered from the breeze and not from falling three times in the river.
Psychiatrist, Carl Jung, created the concept of “synchronicity” to describe a meaningful coincidence of two or more events which have no causal relationship with one another and the probability of chance is not involved. I found it the best word to describe the ending of the Trump term of office and the celebration, last Friday, January 15, 2021, of “World Hat Day.” In fact, the similarity reminded me of the man who bought a new hat with a built-in fan that kept his head cool during the hot weather. He boasted, “It really blows my mind.” It also illustrates a comment made in a British Court more than a hundred years ago by Judge Lord Bowen who, in a case on equity, said something that I believe is an apt description of Trump and his cohorts, “I am reminded of a blind man in a dark room looking for a black hat- which isn’t there.”
Hopefully, Trump will be like Vidia Naipaul’s character “Hat” in Miguel Street who was a bad hat in his own way and who was last seen by Naipaul in Venezuela. Instead of deciding to go to Mar-a-Lago (meaning “sea to lake”), Trump should head out to Cape Hatteras, the “Graveyard of the Atlantic” and the deadliest trap in the world for sailors. It is responsible for more than 600 shipwrecks and, like The Donald, is unpredictable. One more shipwreck will not be too difficult for the Cape to handle.
My favourite hat story, and the one that caps it all, is about the boy who was really upset and, in tears, complained to his mother, “All the kids in school make fun of me. They say I have a big head.” His very solicitous Mom comforted him by saying, “Don’t worry with them. They’ re just a waste of time and envy your beautiful head full of hair and brains.” Then she told him, “Now stop crying. I want you to go to the store and buy a pound of rice and two pounds of potatoes for me. I have to cook dinner.” The boy asked, “Mom. Where’s the shopping bag? You know Neal and Massy now charges you for even plastic ones.” His mother replied, “What happen to you? You know we don’t have any. Use your hat!”
*Tony Deyal was last seen asking, “What did the hat say to the tie?” You hang around, I’ll go on a head.”